Kindly read patiently. I promise to be as honest as possible.
I’m a young woman in her mid-20s. I’ve been in three relationships so far… two were sexual, and one was purely celibate, though it didn’t last beyond 6 months.
I recently got out of a 2-yr relationship with Dubem when we discovered our genotype isn’t compatible. But the problem is that we’re still doing a lot of back and forth. Dubem wants the relationship to continue because he’s working on how we’d have our babies via IVF or chorionic villi testing to first determine the sex of the baby.
This has put me in a very confusing situation because I’m unable to move on while he’s still holding on for us… and at the same time, I just keep thinking about how life would be a lot easier if I’d just marry a genotype compatible man and have children the regular way without the stress and huge financial cost of an IVF.
To fully move on from Dubem, I started seeing other people..
Nedu is a very great guy… has everything I want in a man, but he’s having some financial challenges right now. He’s cute, godly, very intelligent, good humour, communicates very well, respectful, sound family values, neat, and seems to me like someone who can take charge of his home. But his financial situation gives me cause for concern… he doesn’t seem like he’d be comfortably ready to start a family in another 2/3 years. But that aside, his condition just dampens my enthusiasm to even visit him or start a committed relationship with him. No TV or fridge in his apartment. I feel embarrassed/sorry for him when he has to go watch TV at his friend’s or neighbour’s… Or I’m thinking of cooking stuff to take to him… but no fridge to store. Joykiller. Or the fact that he can’t be a support system to me at the moment…
There’s also Victor who comes off as a great guy but I’ve refused to pay him enough attention all these months because I’m still entangled with Dubem. Victor is doing quite well, and is passionate about his job, but he likes to talk about himself way too much, and seems a bit arrogant. The vibes I get off him is that he tries to be at his best behaviour when he’s with me, just to impress, but maybe he’s real. While I don’t like like him at the moment, I feel if I gave him a chance, I’d see some other aspects of him that would make me love him.
There’s Denver on the other hand. Denver is an absolute gentle man… and doing fairly well with his business. I almost said yes to him, but I felt it was coming from the place of pressure. He was putting me under a lot of pressure to say yes… he wants to get married in a minute, but I’m still not resolved on marrying him. Plus he’s from a polygamous family, and his plan is for us to live in his disputed family house if/when we get married, and I feel that comes with a lot of drama. Also, he’s a bit lackadaisical about his wellbeing. He doesn’t seem very tidy. His car always has things strung about. I worry, too about his level of education. He has just a HND and is not in the corporate world whereas I have serious plans to get either a double masters plus lots of certifications or a Ph.D I fear there might be some sort of incompatibility years down the line. Other than these concerns, Denver is a great guy.
Then there’s Bright… I’ve known Bright since I was in uni… he was planning a surprise engagement once, when we weren’t even dating. He’s the most inconsistent and confused man I’ve ever met. He’s consistent for a aweek or two, then goes off-radar only to resurface again after a few months. But somehow he seems to believe I’m the one who’s never agreed to take him seriously. But how do I take a man who’s inconsistent seriously? Ideally, he shouldn’t be on this list because I long cancelled him… but he called this morning and we had a very long conversation… which was short of him pleading that I calm down and take him seriously so we can move to the next level.
Now the reason I created this thread. I like having a linear focus when I’m in a relationship, but I’m unable to leave Dubem because all these other guys have one issue or the other. No, I’m not looking for a perfect guy. Dubem isn’t perfect, but we’ve come a long way, and we love each other, and we’ve come to accept and understand each other as we are.
I’ve become impatient… I feel like I’m at the prime of my life as a woman, and I have other suitors to choose from but I’m holding on to a very precarious relationship. Dubem might as well just wake up one day and decide that our genotype incompatibility is a big deal and we should see other people… at that time, one year of my life would have gone by…these great guys would have probably moved on, too. A woman’s hotcake period is fleeting. For my personal plans, I’d love to be married by next year.
Ohh. I mentioned the thing about my two sexual relationships because I made a hasty vow to God once that I wouldn’t have sex with more than two men before getting married. I don’t know …God is a merciful God, yeah…But that vow still pops up in my mind now and again. So I can’t go into any careless relationship, and now I can’t choose.
I’m honestly confused.